WAL - MART APPLICATION of a 75 year old senior citizen
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny .....
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NAME : Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
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SEX : Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
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DESIRED POSITION : Company's President or Vice President . But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place .
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DESIRED SALARY : $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
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EDUCATION : Yes.
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LAST POSITION HELD : Target for middle management hostility.
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PREVIOUS SALARY : A lot less than I'm worth.
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MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT : My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
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REASON FOR LEAVING : It sucked
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HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK : Any.
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PREFERRED HOURS : 1:30 - 3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
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DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS ? : Yes , but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
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MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER ? : If I had one, would I be here ?
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DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs. ? : Of what ?
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DO YOU HAVE A CAR ? : I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs ? "
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HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION ? : I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
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DO YOU SMOKE ? : On the job - no ! On my breaks - yes !
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WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS ? : Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread Actually , I'd like to be doing that now
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NEAREST RELATIVE : 7 miles
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DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE ? : Oh yes, absolutely.
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